I woke to another dream about my husband. In my dream, he was cruel and he had a malicious grin and found pleasure taking away the marriage from me, taking away the chance to find happiness together, taking away my opportunity to try.
When I woke up, I was in physical pain, and emotionally exhausted. Reality, dreams, it’s all the same right now.
Similar to how my husband and I can both find arguments online on what how much we feel is “fair” alimony, I went online to help cope with these dreams and find a way to understand them in a way that worked for me.
So, what I learned to soothe the pain was to recognize that dreams are just subconscious thoughts expressed in faces and places that the conscious mind records. I replaced his face with my own and carefully thought about the dream again to observe and study it. I needed to see that the dream was more about me and nothing about him. I needed to observe my dream and learn to take control of it.
So, I took this dream and told myself that he is in the dream only because dreams are images from my records. I took this idea that he was being cruel and turned it around to see how I am being cruel to myself. Self compassion is something we lack, something I strongly lack. I told myself to be kinder.
I know this may all seem like a huge stretch, but I do not feel so terrified to go to sleep tonight. I will simply remind myself of these things and see how I feel tomorrow and if I need to dissect my dream in the morning to feel a little more okay, then I will.