Something found

This was my first gift. I believe I have received 4 now. 4 gifts of gratitude and love that I have received from god, the universe, and life. There is so much pain in divorce, so much confusion and I call these moments in divorce gifts because when you feel lost and lifeless, these moments gift you with a clarity and feeling that you are not alone.

After my husband asked for the divorce, I could not handle it and flew up north to be with family. When I first flew up to Oakland and as I got off the train to my cousins’ place, a homeless woman came up to me. I was exhausted with pain. I was broken and feeling at the worst. Hopeless and unloved. And this woman simply asked me how I was doing.

She asked me.

And I wondered what I could possibly say to this woman who had leftover trash in her hand.

I said I was okay and I asked how she was doing. She said she was good, hopeful for her future. Looking forward to finding a place to live and to go back to school. She said she was ready for life and to start again.

I, helpless, lost, could not feel anything but admiration for her and a shame that I could have lost far more that this divorce.

I said to her that was great, fantastic to hear.

She smiled. She paused and then she said, “I love you.”

This stranger had given me a gift and it filled me with such pain and gratitude. I had just experienced the greatest loss of love in my world and this woman was freely giving me a little to fill the wound. And I was grateful for her.

She looked at me. I could tell she wanted to give me a hug, but she stopped and said “I will see you later.”

And that was it but it was tremendous.

I later asked a man who I conversed with on my second trip to Oakland what he believed this moment was, and he too said, “a gift.”

I am grateful.

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