Divorce is depleting. Letting go of marriage, the person you love, and an unfulfilled life is tortuous. You are at war with your mind, struggling between what should have been, what is happening now, and what was the future was supposed to be like. You are also experiencing a financial war, trying to come up with a treaty, dividing and assigning ownership to property. You fight yourself everyday to keep going and searching for ways to survive. You relive it countless times. There are sides. There is training. There is so much damage. Where’s my purple heart.
When you are finally ready to surrender, you begin to let go and learn acceptance. Letting go reminds me to live in the present because any time I don’t, the memories of the past and the unfulfilled dreams of the future hurt. Letting go feels a lot like a ride that spins you around and around and when you stop, your mind continues to whirl and what you thought you knew loosens up and everything is fluid and confusing until you catch up to the stillness of your body. When that happens, you aren’t entirely sure what just happened and you don’t know where or who you are, except what matters is the fact that you are free to start moving again.