My last post was in February so I have some months to fill.
February – Started a month on Wellbutrin. My therapist said it was no longer an option. She was right. I couldn’t find reasons to get out of bed. I went to a psychiatrist and rather than the presumed analysis of my childhood, she asked about my ability to make decisions. She, like my therapist, was who I needed to come into my life.
Very quickly, my attachment to my emotions and negative thoughts loosened. However I began to struggle with concentration. I experienced pounding headaches. Countless sores developed inside my mouth. I could handle the symptoms for a month and then decided to stop.
March+April – I was blessed with this opportunity to travel to a new state every other day: Arizona, Idaho, Nevada, Oregon, Utah, Washington, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, and Hawaii. I’d wake up in the same hotel but in a different state. I didn’t know where I was, only where I needed to be that morning and the next day. I experienced places I never imagined visiting and it was another glimpse into this concept of newness and letting go. Something I was still struggling to accept.
(Do not go to Hawaii when you are experiencing heartache.)
May – Mediation finalized. Don’t remember much else about this month. Fear. Heartache seeing him again.
June – I spend several weeks in Las Vegas for a job with a new crew of people (not sure they will be hiring me back ever but that is okay). I spend the 4th of July alone and I cried.
July – I spent a month in Philadelphia and what an incredible experience. There were days where I would still cry and my heart would ache. There were other days when work beat me down. And then there were days that felt like heaven.
August – I moved out of my girlfriend’s home (more on that later) and have a short job that ends in September.